How To Structure Difficult Conversations
Last week I shared 3 steps to mentally ease the burden of difficult conversations.
Now let's follow that up with keys to strategically structuring your talking points.
Our areas of focus:
How to open the conversation
Neutral description of challenge/issue
Bias towards action
Everything I'm about to share can, and should, be leveraged with my handy Conversation Planner.
How to Open the Conversation
There are 3 key components to successfully opening up a tough conversation:
Lead with good intent
Make it about them
Ask permission
I need my opening to send a message that they are safe, we're in this together, and there will be a path forward.
My care and interest for their wellbeing needs to be felt. And they are the judge of that, not me.
I might use phrases like:
Because I care about your success, I want to shed a light on…
I wouldn't be doing right by you if I didn't share that…
And I will always lead with what's in it for them. Our inclination for a performance or feedback conversation is to share what we need of them. But that makes the conversation about us. Make it about them.
It might sound like:
For where you want to take your career, it's important I share this pattern I'm noticing…
I want to set you up for even more success and I'm seeing something that could hold you back…
Final key to strategically opening up the conversation is asking permission.
They might have a deadline in 30 min. They might be running to take their child to the doctor. They might have a migraine and are barely hanging onto their day.
Show respect for them, and their time, by asking for their time.
To see these 3 strategies together for feedback conversations, check out my 5 favorite transition statements.
Neutral Description Of Challenge/Issue
Once you've opened the conversation, it's time to discuss the challenge or issue at hand.
Objectively, what is the challenge?
Objectively, what is the impact of this?
What have you observed in relation to this challenge?
We want to use words like:
I've noticed that…
A pattern I've been observing is…
And stay away from phrases like:
I feel like you're…
It seems like you…
Speaking objectively about observed behaviors and patterns forces you to reduce your emotion while also decreasing their defensiveness.
It also helps you stay focused on your goal: a mutually beneficial outcome.
Bias Towards Action
When it comes to feedback, which is one flavor of difficult conversations, I often say feedback without action is simply criticism.
No one should walk away thinking, “now what?”
When you address the challenge/issue at hand, come to the table with ideas for action.
You don't need to have all the solutions, but you do need to have given thought to some pathways forward.
And it's this moment that you get to make it a generative conversation. Involve them. Ask for their input. Ask for their ideas for next steps.
Lean into this Conversation Planner to put structure and clarity to your thoughts so you increase your confidence and effectiveness in tough management situations.
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That's it for today!
Tough management conversations are my jam. Send me a note (katie@enduranceboss.com) and let me be a sounding board to a situation you're facing!
PS - my next cohort for Deliver Fearless Feedback starts May 2nd if you really want to elevate your confidence & effectiveness in these conversations.
