Doing it All: The Myth We Tell Ourselves

Do you ever look upon your friends or co-workers with envy at how they do it all?  They appear to just simply have it all and seemingly juggle a million balls in the air without breaking a sweat or showing any signs of cracking?  

Meanwhile, you’re not even sure you brushed your teeth and the morning rush out the door is a total blur.

I’m here to let you in on a secret - having it all and doing it all are two very different things.

The moment I realized that powerful difference I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  And the ease of the solution was so beyond simple. It was simply getting comfortable with this amazing two-letter word: No.

I had a window of time in which I was trying to do it all.  Be the best leader. Be the best friend. Be the amazing sister.  Be the great mom. Be the present wife. Be the triathlete. Be the avid reader.  Be the playgroup leader.

I was accepting every invite and feeling guilty if I didn’t make it to something and I was damn near losing my mind trying to keep up.  Because I was spreading myself so thin, I wasn’t actually fully present in any of those aspects of my life.

I then had an epiphany during a Peloton class.  The instructor asked:

“Remember when you used to dream about what you have today?”

Wow.  

I have what I need.  I have an amazing family.  I have a cozy home to return to each day.  I have the simple joys that make life more comfortable.

It was having that moment of realization, combined with more confidently saying no when the invites coming my way wouldn’t enable me to fully recharge or have quality time with my family that I value and prioritize.  

I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t also tradeoffs and that FOMO doesn’t still creep in.  Periodically I say no to work events that would prevent me from being home for my son’s bedtime. Is it possible those declined events could stifle my upward mobility?  Feasibly.   

I’ve also completely bailed on social invites with dear friends in favor of a quiet afternoon on the couch.  Is it possible the flow of invites could reduce to a trickle if I don’t attend? Possibly.

Listening to what my body needs in the moment, in the day, and in the week has been liberating.  The things I’m saying yes to are receiving a more complete and present me. What a gift to myself and to those I love.

What does your “doing it all” vs “having it all look like”?  Did you used to dream about a day when you’d have everything you have now? What part of your life do you want to be living more fully?

When we let go of the myth that doing it all is what will help us lead a more fulfilling life, we can create an amazing journey towards having it all.