3 Tips To Shift Your Feedback Mindset
Feedback conversations are difficult for even the most seasoned leaders.
Today I share 3 mindset tips to set you up for greater success.
Here they are:
High frequency, low stakes
Recognize your assumptions
Clear is kind, unclear is unkind
High Frequency, Low Stakes
I proposed this concept over the summer and I’m bringing it back. You can read that original post here.
High frequency, low stakes means that you give nuggets of coaching and feedback at such a regular cadence that it’s received with little emotion. It’s received as being non-threatening because it’s expected, it’s the norm, and it’s received with positive, welcome intent.
Feedback becomes NBD - no big deal. Think James Clear's 1% improvement concept.
Without a deliberate commitment as a leader in this area, we can slip into living in a low frequency, high stakes world.
This is when we’re super busy, running meeting to meeting, sometimes struggling to get time with our people.
The frequency of coaching and feedback dwindles. So when there is coaching and feedback to provide, it feels more daunting. It feels higher stakes because neither you nor your team member are in the mentality that it’s a norm, that it’s no big deal.
Mindset check-in: does the feedback you give feel daunting? What shifts in your frequency do you need to make?
Recognize Your Assumptions
Coming into these interactions, we need to hold tight to our first management principle - Care Deeply.
Sharing feedback, even tough feedback, is caring enough to share what you’re noticing has potential to hold someone back from being as successful as they want to be.
But realizing there’s feedback to share can activate assumptions…
“I can’t give them this feedback, I need them focused on this sprint.”
“They’re going to flip out and I can’t afford for them to quit.”
“They’re 95% awesome, this one tiny thing might derail them.”
Now notice the impact these assumptions have on you.
These assumptions cause you to hold back. They cause you to walk on eggshells. And it's counter to caring deeply for our people because you’re not caring enough to say something that will help their growth and their development.
And here’s the big risk…
You’re assuming your people can’t handle it. You’re assuming weakness. You’re assuming their worst.
No. We can’t. That's not who we are.
Mindset check-in: What assumptions hold you back? What if you assumed they COULD handle it & want to know?
“Clear is kind, unclear is unkind.”
Let’s first thank Brene Brown for this genius quote. It’s 100% true.
Many managers are afraid of being direct. Guess what, it’s not your directness that’s the problem most of the time, it’s the way you enter into the interaction. (Shoot me a note if you want some cheat sheet Transition Statements for your convos!)
The important mindset piece here is to realize that when you’re nervous and beat around the bush, you’re being unclear. Your people don’t know what you're asking or how they should change, so it’s a frustrating interaction and neither of you are satisfied.
Instead, be clear. Being clear is leading with kindness. You care enough to help them be their best, so be clear and direct with what their opportunity for growth is and how they can get there.
Mindset check-in: What's your tendency? What shift do you want to make?
